Our Firm
In the most generous possible sense of each of those words. We exist to create value, identify synergies, and occasionally photograph a cow.
The NewsDerp Method™
Refined over literally minutes of strategic ideation, our methodology converts raw ambition into deferred, theoretical returns.
We identify cross-property synergies between assets that have nothing whatsoever to do with one another, then declare them realized.
Through rigorous Imagineering of the Future™, we visualize outcomes so compelling that the absence of execution becomes immaterial.
Monetization is identified as a key strategic priority and scheduled, indefinitely, for a future fiscal period to be determined.
Leadership
Our executive team brings together decades of combined existence and a shared commitment to not being entirely sure what the company does.
Our Values
We position ourselves at all times immediately beside excellence, without incurring its costs or obligations.
If two things exist, they synergize. This is not a belief. It is, for us, a fact we enforce.
We move fast and break nothing, by not moving. The future is best imagineered from a seated position.
Investor Relations
All figures are unaudited, hypothetical, and in several cases aspirational. Past performance is imaginary and not indicative of future results, which are also imaginary. NewsDerp Corp is not publicly traded, privately traded, or, in the technical sense, a company. There is no investor login. There is no investor.
There are no open positions. There is no compensation. There is, occasionally, a cow. We encourage you to apply anyway, into the void.
Apply Into the Void →Whether you’re a strategic partner, a prospective acquirer, or simply lost, our team would be delighted to schedule a follow-up at a date to be determined.
hello@newsderp.com