Portfolio
A diversified, largely hypothetical asset base spanning multiple verticals we invented. Three are operational. The remainder are, for competitive reasons, classified.
Curated custom and collectible knives for the discerning acquirer of objects too sharp to need. Our flagship hard-asset vertical.
Visit property → OperationalHard-hitting dispatches from cow country, filed by our award-adjacent correspondent. Our newsroom of record, and our only employee.
Visit property → OperationalA private collection of guitars far too nice to actually play. A strategic appreciating-asset reserve disguised as a hobby.
Visit property → TBDDetails withheld pending the existence of a plan, a budget, or a reason.
Coming soon™ StealthA revolutionary store of value. We cannot legally describe it. We’re unsure we may legally have it.
Coming soon™ Under NDAA slate of prestige programming currently consisting of one (1) idea, written on a napkin, now lost.
Coming soon™ Pre-SeedAcquisition pending. The cow has expressed concerns. The cow’s concerns are under review.
Coming soon™ TheoreticalLimitless clean power, achievable the moment physics agrees to our terms. Talks are ongoing with physics.
Coming soon™ ClassifiedIf we told you, it would cease to be a competitive advantage. It is not a competitive advantage.
Coming soon™ RecursiveWe have acquired ourselves. The synergies are, by definition, total. Integration is proceeding inward.
Coming soon™Acquisition Pipeline
Would double our editorial headcount and, by our models, our entire enterprise. LOI not yet drafted.
A high-margin recurring asset that arrives weekly. Negotiations stalled over who owns the calendar.
Including “seamless,” “bespoke,” and “turnkey.” Strategic to the brand. Valuation pending.
Operational properties are one click away. The classified ones will reveal themselves when the synergies are right, or when we get around to it.
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